By Ashlee Wednesday
Astrology is a lot like gender, a system that also assigns life-long roles to people based on Barnum Statements. I prefer astrology to gender because it gives us 12 roles instead of 2, and is assigned in a way that is a lot more fair. I mean, sure, dividing the year into 12 equal parts and assigning roles based on which one you were born in isn’t always going to accurately reflect the being that you are, but at least if your assignment doesn’t’ fit you, it’s easy to say, “I’m not going to tell you my sun sign because it’s totally muted out by all the [x] in my chart.” And what’s nice is, after someone learns your sign, the next moment isn’t going to be the person awkwardly trying not to oogle your chest or crotch to see what’s there. Like, hella ew. Astrology such a better identity system than the bio-essentialized bullshit!
Astrology lets us make a type of statement about ourselves that weaves our lives into a cosmic story. A type of story we can return to when we want to, or ditch if it’s not working out for us. Astrology is just one way of creating meaning in day-to-day life in a very D.I.Y. sort of way. A lot like television, but that we create the story ourselves just by doing our thing. And since no one is forcing it on us (at least in this culture), it’s not oppressive (here).
If astrology is too traditional for you, or if someone ruined it for you by pushing it too hard. try making up your own system. Likewise, if Astrology is your jam, don’t force it on people. Some people aren’t going to be in the astrology groove at the same time you are, and that’s OK. Just let them do their thing, man.
Aries (b. Spring Equinox – April 19ish)
You’ve been rocking it, Aries, teaching everyone how to farm like a pro, showing the new co-op members how consensus works, organizing hella alliances between projects for environmental and social justice. Now comes the moment of truth: are the duckling punks ready to swim jam without so much guidance? Time to take a step back from “being the one with all the answers” and see what happens. Don’t be too far away though, just in case folks need a hand!
Taurus (b. April 20ish – May 20ish)
You’ve been doing some great systems work, Taurus, helping people around you translate good ideas into routines—whether it’s that new feeding rotation for the free-range chickens, or fine-tuning the consent-based safe space policy at the commons, or that super efficient redesign of the co-op kitchen you pushed through. Just don’t forget to pull your head out of all these micro-detail systems and really smell the quinoa sometimes, okay?
Gemini (b. May 21ish-June 20ish)
This has been a weirdly quiet period for you, Gemini. A lot of people who think they have “important stuff” to say have been elbowing into your scene, and what’s up with this vibe now? There’s like, no good flow to any conversation anymore. Ugh! You’re going to have to get creative, Gemini, to create the space that lets you express yourself. Pull out that art/music project you’ve been putting off, whether it’s making a zine, cutting an album, building a giraffe bicycle, or designing some fabulous upcycled bling. Book that house show or booth at the Saturday Market. Get your jam in front of people!
Cancer (b. Summer Solstice-July 19ish)
Take a deep breath Cancer. Now is the time for emotional boundary-setting. It is okay to say, “I really can’t have that conversation right now.” It is okay to tell someone, “I need you to step back and lower your voice.” It is always okay to set the emotional boundaries you need to feel a sense of control over your body and emotions. This isn’t about making the other person feel guilty, or punishing them. This is about you. This is about protecting your emotional sovereignty, holding space for the inner sanctity of your emotional being.
Leo (b. July 20ish-August 22ish)
So, while you’re dashing from protest to protest—from the anti-Trump rally to Standing Rock to the freeway shut down to the farm protection rally, don’t forget to take a minute and really look around you and like, feel it, you know, like really feel it. Like, Yeah! This is happening! Holy shit! I’m waving a black flag and standing on a police bulldozer! I’m dancing alongside the warm crispiness of a burning corporate bank! Yeah!
Virgo (b. August 23ish-Sept 22ish)
You gotta lay off, Virgo. Like, your suburban moms really doesn’t need you to lecture them on gentrification right now. And your siblings who work at the failing corporations don’t need you to rub it in their faces how wonderful things are going at your worker-co-op where you’ve solved patriarchy, sexism, and you have medical AND dental. Sure, you’ve figured out the best ways to do everything, but you don’t need to rub it in the normies’ faces, okay? Just…let them figure it out for themselves. You can bask in your contentment with others who are there with ya.
Libra (Autumn Equinox-Oct 22ish)
In these strange times, Libra, you will find others more eager than usual to listen to you. Sure, the Owner of Record has shown up and is trying to take your squat, but they still have to give you a formal eviction notice, and you know that. You’re the one who helps us keep our cool, reminding us that we have this space for at least 30 more fucking days—unless we win more in court!—and in the meantime, we are going to keep building this amazing community. Thank you Libra, for helping us count our blessings. We’re grateful whenever you’re next on stack.
Scorpio (Oct 23ish-Nov 21ish)
You’ve poured a lot of work into building community and spaces, and your persistence has paid off. You’ve really started something! Like, it’s a thing now—Not just an idea in your head, but a thing. Sure, there’s more work to come. And there will be more interpersonal fallout and hard decisions to make, for sure. But for now, it’s worth it just to feel content in how far everything has come. Breathe it in. Treat yourself to a weekend at the organic farm. Take a soak at the community hot tub. Spend the day just making chocolate. This is the time to reap the bounty of your hard work.
Sagittarius (Nov 22ish-Dec 21ish)
Bad news, Sag: that monster you’ve been running from for the last 9 years, there’s no place to run anymore. It’s going devour you—or you it! Either way, only one will be left standing. Of course, we both know there is no monster, it’s just a part of your personality that got away from itself, also known as a Jungian Archetype. …Or is it? In the mean time, don’t forget to drink enough water, feed yourself properly, take care of your teeth, and bathe once in a while. Your future post-monster-battle/fully-integrated self will thank you for it.
Ophinuchus (Nov 34ish-Dec 43ish)
You’ve been feeling super isolated, Ophinuchus, ever since you found yourself in this ridiculous situation where you don’t get to control your diet, have to do everything on someone else’s schedule, and follow all these damn lines on the floor. Incarceration’s no joke! Help nurture your sense of self, through these ridiculous time by writing letters to the outside [org name], and also finding solidarity with others like you [info to connect with RABICO (sp?) and that org for transfolk in their shoes]. And don’t forget zen can happen anywhere!
Capricorn (Winter Solstice-Jan 19ish)
Fuck you, Capricorn! No, just kidding. But seriously, fuck you. The rest of us are stressing out and loosing our shit over here, and somehow you’re all just like, “la di da.” What do you mean, “I don’t have time for strife in my life?” That’s a really privileged thing to say! Don’t walk away from me! Fine, keep going to music festivals, and perfecting that D.I.Y. skill of yours, and doing stuff that makes you incredibly happy. Sure, ignore the haters. Whatever, asshole!
Aquarius (Jan 20ish-Feb 18ish)
Damn, Aquarius, I really don’t know what to say. It’s like you’re on a raft floating through the middle of the ocean, and you have one flare, and you’ve been waiting to use that flare for a long, long time, and now you’re getting ready… Or maybe it’s more like you’re a clown in a creepy dark circus routine, and you’ve been messing things up on purpose, doing things imperfectly, almost as if you’re testing the waters, seeing how much you can get away with, pushing the boundaries, so that when the time is ripe…?
Pisces (Feb 19ish-March 20ish)
That vice-like pressure you’ve been feeling? That’s about to come off. Prepare to find your way into a rad new community that allows the real you to come out. Maybe it’s a fancier side of yourself, or maybe your real self is just a whole lot grumpier than the way you’ve been acting and it’s time to stop pretending to be happy all the time. At first, the people who connected with you about fake shit are going to be confused. But that’s okay. Remember the words of the great Doctor Seuss: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter won’t mind.”