By Hazel
You are trying to talk to someone, maybe a friend or a family member, about political action. You’re trying to convince them that, rather than the time for despair, now is the time for hope; and not hope in the system, but hope in themself and each other. The uncertainty of the moment has softened them, American preconceptions are crumbling, and the flag of patriotism once tinged is now covered with a decadent rot, but still you are fighting against a lifetime of habit.
There are many traits that mark an effective organizer. One of them is the ability to understand and respond to the context of each person you talk to. I will draw out three limitations in particular to keep in mind when trying to reach someone in a conversation. It is up to you then, as always, to decide who to commit your energies to and how to approach them. These limitations are fear, imagination, and social pressure.
On the subject of fear, I would hazard a guess that it plays a bigger role for those who have a chance at refuge: the affluent, ostensibly white, and cis-het. This is almost paradoxical, until you remember that most people who fall outside those groups live in a perpetual state of anxiety, if not outright fear. The chilling effect of those emotions simply won’t be as effective in halting the activation of people who are already inoculated to them. There is perhaps another conversation to be had about conservatism primarily among gay men and some lesbians as a performative defense mechanism, also due to fear, also out of a misunderstanding of the struggle they participate in, but that conversation is altogether too complicated to do justice to here.
The attitude of the fearful can be summed up by a surprising insight given by my partner’s father: “They’re not arresting white people, unless they protest.” …Lots to unpack there, huh? The only counter to this kind of thinking, the privileged perspective of those who know that quietude can be an escape for them alone, is to remind them of their lonesomeness. It is true, in all likelihood, that wealthy, quiet whites will be able to live through this particular moment in relative peace; and those that chose to do so will probably contemplate suicide thereafter. They will hate themselves for their cowardice, and they will hate themselves for turning their back on all their friends and relatives who did stand up and resist, who would have been that much safer with another person at their side.
If you wish to talk with people who are afraid, you have to respect their fear, or else they will withdraw from you. At the same time, every single person who stands up makes every other person standing up that much safer, and everyone needs to understand that. Massacres are made of isolated protests, but when a million people march, five million, ten, no guns can stop them — for the authority would do irreparable damage to itself. (That’s not to say a big march will fix the country, but showing up is the least they can do to keep others safe.)
Imagination is a precious resource, and it is criminally underutilized in the United States. It is this way because our leaders fear the leadership of the masses, so our education, our labor, and even our home lives have been shoved into boxes that hinder the growth of our imaginative faculties. To this point, it requires patience to talk to someone who cannot imagine an alternative to for-profit health insurance, or endless military spending, for example. You have to walk them through it without theoreticals.
Don’t say socialism, don’t say capitalism. There is no agreement whatsoever on the definition of those terms. In the American conception, capitalism is always viewed in the ideal, with its wants and needs perfectly balanced in a perpetually virtuous market, while socialism and communism (they are always lumped together) is Stalinism. It is not worth the time it will take to dismantle this conception. It will be easier to create a functional, socially responsible system of governance than it will be to convince some these Boomers that they are just as propagandized as the Russians. So don’t lean on jargon; just describe situations and actions that can be taken to make them better.
In this way, Mamdani’s mayoral campaign has given us all a very polished example to follow. Rather than draw the line at theoreticals, draw the line at dignity and have dignity mean affordability. Can a dignified life be synonymous with an affordable existence? No, not at all, but it’s something people understand. And when your someone asks you how all the changes to our current system will be paid for, the answer is cut ICE funding, replace corporate subsidies with public ones, and tax the rich. And if that doesn’t make sense to them, you can give up.
Your time is precious. The last thing you have to remember when talking to your someone is the type of social pressure you exert on them. The reality is that if you have a healthy relationship with a person, your dissent about their political opinions is not a threat to them. In most cases, that’s a good thing. It means your love for each other is unconditional, but it also means that you simply might not be the person to reach them. That doesn’t mean there’s no hope for them, and it doesn’t mean that all your efforts in talking to them about the current situation are wasted.
Probably, you won’t be the one to change their mind, because they’re just too comfortable talking to you. The family space should be one in which people are comfortable, at least up to a point. If your uncle or your homie is sounding like a eugenicist, you need to get some mutuals together and make a plan. But if your someone is trying their best to understand what they’ve been seeing in the world and still can’t seem to accept the fact that they can do something to change it, it is okay to let go of your obligation to be their guide and instead allow yourself to just be a person with them.
In truth, you’re better off talking to strangers. Because a stranger’s actions cannot be explained away by personality. Without the context of familiarity, they must be taken at face value. A stranger comes from the unknown and returns to the unknown, like a force of nature. So if you want to change some minds, get out there and be a force of nature.