Kinky Sex for the Revolution
What is the weirdest sexual thing you have ever done? Think of something more bizarre. That is kink – stretching the boundaries of sex, refining sexual experiences to fit your individual taste, the inner cravings of your soul.
Not only is sexual exploration fun, it is a revolutionary tool as well. The honesty, trust, and creativity involved in kinky play are the same qualities underlying effective affinity groups, general communication, and revolutionary society as a whole.
Kink means being open to potentially threatening concepts, changing your mind, challenging your programming. Being unashamedly aroused is inherently related to being passionately, unabashedly revolutionary. Kink means not compromising your desires because they are contrary to the status quo, and instead flaunting, celebrating, reveling in them.
Absolute morality about sex is counterproductive to everything the sexual revolution, wymmons movement, disability movement, etc has done to open humanity\’s views about the mind/body. Different bodies and minds reach sexual satisfaction through equally diverse activities. Rigid opinions about sex and desire silence kink and make potential perverts into introverts. Desires, no matter how bizarre-seeming, must be respected and explore, not feared.
Say, for example, that somebody gets off on being dragged down an alley, beaten up, and pissed on. This person should not be expected to relinquish their desires just because their fantasy does not appear to reflect the love and respect that would anchor a revolutionary society. Sick and twisted desires can be fulfilled in ways that are safe and consensual. Fulfilling somebody\’s innermost desire is an act of love and subverts the dominant paradigm.
Issues of trust surface when two people engage in a kinky act. Nobody besides yourself can know your desires and fantasies unless you share them. Kinky people must be direct and honest about their desires because experiencing the sensations of, for example, play piercing needles in the back may be exciting for one person but intrusive for another. Also, people must own their desires and not take it personally if the person they are with does not share similar fantasies.
Sexual exploitation can be a good way to explore all parts of our person. One must truly trust/know oneself to explore the world of kink, and kink is an excellent way to learn about yourself. Kink can help you overcome your shit. When self-trust exists, the most intense exploration should not be a threat; you trust yourself to sense and respect what us too much for you at that particular time.
Kink is also a good way to work on communication. Self-understanding and honest communication can assist in the choice of play partners as well, many times eliminating \”playing\” with someone unless they are compatible. Kink also has potential to get people relating on different, unexpected levels. (Ofcourse some of us know these levels are a bit tricky, but we\’ll never be on our death beds wishin\’ we\’d of taken more risks.)
Being a radical is about challenging stereotypes and traditional definitions. We must break down the oppressive social constructs surrounding gender, absolute morality, perversion, punishment, politeness, beauty, pleasure/pain, right/wrong, good/bad. We must counter these stereotypes actively in our homes and communities because kink/qenderqueer/pansexuality/perversion is still extremely marginalized, even within \’radical\’ communities. If we can\’t be who we are within a radical community, then where?
Contrary to what mainstream culture says, sex is fluid and chaotic, like life. Kink is an excellent way to explore natural spontaneity. We use more areas of our bodies and brains if we actively engage in rigid AND fluid activities. As we work together to build a society that meets each individual\’s needs, sexual exploration must happen simultaneously to do-it-yourself mechanical work, radio building or plumbing. Own your desires. Do not be afraid of them! Find ways to express them that you are okay with!
A few notes on Safety:
- A safe word can be used when either person feels threatened or uninterested in continuing to \”play.\”
- Safer se materials such as gloves can be fetishized. Practice safer sex; STDs suck!
- Doing extreme sex acts when you\’re fucked up on drugs or alcohol can scathe you in negative ways, because you\’re less sensitive to pain thresholds.