By Mars, with input from Sprout, Hope, Lichen, and Feb
We live in scary times. That’s no secret. In every direction there’s something so eye-poppingly horrible that turning on the news feels like drowning. So, that means it’s time to do something! Right? There are so many ways to help, so….. just go! Start! You can pull on any thread and help the whole rotten thing unravel! But….what if I don’t know what to do? I don’t know how to unionize a workplace or start a protest! There are so many people with more skills who are better equipped to meet this moment. Who am I to think I have any of the answers, or even any good ideas? I’m not sure what to do and I’m so overwhelmed. Surely, a moment will come when I know it’s my time.
This dead-end train of thought has been circling my brain since 2016, but especially in the last year. And sometimes it’s humiliating to think about how much time I’ve wasted. How many skills have I not acquired? How far behind am I? Am I even a real leftist?
Recently, I’ve come to understand this paralysis as a form of imposter syndrome. “There’s always someone better or more skilled than me.” “I don’t know what I’m doing so I should move out of the way and let people who do know take over.” These are not unfamiliar thoughts. I’ve had them in a myriad of life arenas, from work to relationships to art. I bet you have too. But it took me a while to recognize I was feeling imposter syndrome in regard to political activism as well.
Partially, this is because our current political system relies on citizens only participating in the ways it deems appropriate. You can vote, you can call your elected officials, you can file lawsuits, you can protest, but only at sanctioned, peaceful ones! Actions that would more effectively center your power as an individual, such as strikes, mutual aid networks, DIY HRT regimens, and targeted direct action are looked down on and viewed with extreme suspicion. Under these hostile conditions, it’s undeniably scary to poke your head above the battlements and participate at all. The fear tells you it’s safer to let the professionals and the system handle it. Just buckle down and wait for fairer weather.
But if we can identify that anxiety lies to us in other areas of life, surely we can figure out a way to beat it back in the political arena as well. Strangely enough, a framework that’s been helping me overcome this mental block is thinking about it in relation to AI. Let me explain.
AI is a nightmare technology that was created by billionaires whose only goal is to solve the problem of ever having to pay workers again. It is the ultimate expression of late-stage capitalism and was built so that the worst people in the world can surveil the public, cut humans out of decision making, “more effectively” wage war, and reduce online platforms to cesspools of slop. AI loudly proclaims to have all the answers while it guzzles resources, lies, emotionally manipulates its users, and alienates labor even further from workers.
However, at the same time, the technology is advanced enough that you can ask it for almost anything and get a result that is…adequate. It will be the lowest common denominator of whatever style you requested, but you will get a result. It will not be avant-garde or interesting (except for maybe some extra fingers!). But it will be a competently rendered facsimile of the prompt you input.
And that makes AI very appealing because it can function as an escape hatch for imposter syndrome. Insecure about your writing skills? Don’t worry, AI can write it for you. Can’t draw? Don’t worry, AI can generate almost any image you can imagine. Never got the hang of an instrument? Don’t worry, AI can produce an entire song for you in minutes.
My friend Sprout, who wrote an essay that was the original inspiration for this article, detailed how they see this phenomenon in their students, who are afraid to write without ChatGPT because they don’t want to fail. They haven’t practiced writing enough, are too overwhelmed to start, and don’t want to bang their head against the wall for something that might not even get them a good grade. When you’ve lived your entire life in an environment that immediately and mercilessly punishes incompetence, why wouldn’t you turn to the answer the system so neatly provides?
But as I’ve watched AI art and writing overwhelm the online landscape, I’ve felt my conception of what “quality” art looks like completely invert itself. Before AI, my imposter syndrome told me that an “artist” is a person who can see a vision in their mind and successfully translate it through a medium into an identifiable representation of what they imagined. If you can’t do that, oops!, guess you aren’t an artist. But now, with the knowledge that I can generate whatever corporate, safe, lifeless image or essay I desire in minutes, it makes me stop and think. As a human being with a brain and body, doesn’t that mean I have the unique ability to make the most fucked up, horrendous, incompetent art I can imagine? If the AI can make something look “good,” can I make something look “bad” and give it just as much value? What’s stopping me from covering an entire page in scribbles of purple and green pen and saying “Yep! That’s art baby, read it and weep?”
My understanding of art and creativity has fundamentally changed. I now see artistry as a practice of looking imposter syndrome square in the face and saying, “Fuck you, I’m doing it anyways.” And once you can make that mental switch, there’s no such thing as failure. Did you try to draw a person and instead it looks like a cursed goblin? Congrats, your brain and eyes and hands were all communicating with each other! That’s so cool! Did you try to paint a sunset and instead it looks like mud because you mixed too many colors together? Congrats, you just learned about color theory! Are the same motifs repeating in your poetry? Congrats, those are the topics that are most emotionally resonant for you and help you process life. And what’s even cooler: my failures will look completely different from your failures, will look completely different from your roommate’s failures, etc.
Individuality, non-conformity, and failure are punished by capitalism. So, it follows that every time you make something “ugly,” or choose a path that feels best for you regardless of societal pressure, you become part of the resistance. The systems that built AI do not see value in individuality because they view human beings as simply a resource to exploit. They are counting on you to keep finding comfort in the system and be too scared to try something new.
But they’ve really overplayed their hand. These days it seems like no one is having fun on the Internet anymore. Facebook is a wasteland and has been for years. Tiktok is an addiction machine I see more people every day making an effort to quit. Meanwhile, the larger capitalist, imperialist system funds genocides, kidnaps world leaders with impunity, executes people in the street, and sells public land to oil executives. The comfort some of us may have enjoyed is crumbling before our eyes. Soon, nothing will be keeping us tethered to the old world except our fear.
I suspect that messiness and failure will be required to create a new and different world, and I’m hopeful because it seems like more people are embracing this concept. It might be a temporary relief to write that essay with ChatGPT, or tell yourself we just need to get through the next three years and things will sort themselves out. But as long as we continue using the same systems, we’ll get the same answers. And those answers have never delivered an equitable and dignified life for all.
Choosing to try something new is hard! It takes courage to act on an idea, even if you don’t think it’s perfect, even if it doesn’t feel like it will accomplish much. It’s hard to introduce yourself to new people. It’s hard to look at the ugly-ass thing you just drew and not judge it. But every time you try anyways is a tiny victory. And sometimes it’s less difficult than you think it will be! After all, I went to the planning meeting for this Slingshot issue. I went to my first swap a few weeks ago and donated a bunch of old supplies to mutual aid. I wrote and submitted this article. It’s hard, but it’s time. Take the imposter syndrome out back and smash its head in.